The Joke's On You
by SizzlR
Summary: Dee Dee Murphy; star basketball player, world famous athlete, arrogant bastard. But when a freak car accident puts him in the shoes of 14 year old Luan Loud, can he find a way to get back to his old life before it's too late? Rated M for swearing and suicidal themes later on. Cover art by FaucetBot
1. First Quarter

**Alright, so I think that this is my best story yet, folks. I'm dead serious. This is a combination of my two favorite things; The Loud House and body switching stories. Crazy, I know! So I hope you all enjoy this, and PLEASE leave me reviews and advice when you're done reading! It's always appreciated! Thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy!**

Fourth quarter.

Fifteen seconds left.

No timeouts, no foul to give, last possesion.

What's a guy to do?

Well, shoot, of course! What else could I have done in the situation? PASS? Nothing against my teammates or anything, but it isn't like they're the definition of clutch personified. I got my title for a reason, they get their championships for one reason: ME. I have no WANT to pass; especially in a regular season game like this.

Of course, I was getting ahead of myself. We were still in the huddle, after all. Coach was trying to draw up an extremely complicated trick play, but the general feeling was mutual:give the ball to ME. If we wanted a W, you had no other option.

"Alright, so WHAT are we gonna do?!"

"WIN!"

"AND WHAT ARE WE WINNING?!"

"THE GAME!"

"DEVILS ON THREE! ONE, TWO, THREE-"

"DEVILS!" we shouted in unison. Sure, you'd usually only see that sort of thing in high school ball, but the Los Angeles Devils of the Associated Basketball League did things differently. And who was it all thanks to? Read above.

We got into formation on the opposite side of our court, the crowd screaming like a pack of howler monkeys during mating season. We had become a hot commodity in recent years, and I'm pretty sure you can guess why at this point.

"Yo, Dee, you ready?"

"Hell yeah!" I said back to Sindarius. We had gone to college with each other about 6 years ago, and by then I had enough influence to get him on the Devs. We had always had chemistry toghether; there's nothing more dangerous than playing a well oiled machine. Me and Sin were a JUGGERNAUT; we couldn't be stopped.

"Alright, then! Ball!"

He passed it in to me. I pivoted and began to dribble down the court. Immediately, I was mobbed by the San Diego Vipers point guard. They were a tough team, and they were definitely looking to give us a loss. It was all tied up until then.

I crossed the ball to my other hand, causing him to chase it. Big mistake: I spun, sending him turning and almost faceplanting. The crowd was wild; they loved to see me break ankles. It was part of the gimmick, you catch my drift?

I was at the top of the key; five seconds left. I turned and passed to Sin. He and I had the plan all thought out, I would fake running my route and get to the outside to take the shot. He would dribble a bit and pass back.

But something was different this night. Because for whatever reason, even though I did MY part of the bargain, Sin looked the OPPOSITE direction and passed to Blake Batum. Now, Blake isn't BAD… but he isn't ME.

He shot the ball… it made a pretty arch, reaching the apex as the buzzer sounded. It fell, fell, fell…

 **SWISH!**

You think the crowd was wild before? Well, they LOST IT. These guys went APESHIT when Batum hit the shot. It was like a miniature nuke had gone off in the stadium… and in my head. For while my team was mobbing Blake, I was storming over to the coach.

"COACH!"

He turned to look at me, a look of sheer bliss in his eyes.

"DEE! WE WON!"

"Yeah, I know! But what was that last play?!"

"WHAT?" he shouted. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I was supposed to get the points! The buzzer beat-"

"YEAH, YEAH, COOL! WE GOTTA GET TO THE LOCKER ROOM!" he shouted, turning to face the 'hero' of the game again. Ridiculous! I'm the star player and some low life gets the glory? What kind of world is THAT?!

I can sure tell you right now, that is NOT how Deedee Murphy plays basketball. No, that isn't how it's done. I stormed out of the arena, and with good reason. I'm in the middle of an MVP caliber season and old buddy boy over there TAKES it! How disrespectful is that? Not only to ME, but to anyone with SENSE?

I was already in the tunnel when reporters gathered around me. I wasn't sure, but I knew I had just had a good game… forty points was no small feat, you know. But at that point, it was pretty irrelevant to me. I brushed them off and kept going.

I had reached the locker room, if I remember right, when some kid came up to me. He had the arena pass around his neck; must've been a reporter or some shit.

"Hi, Mr. Murphy! Can you sign my jersey?"

Now, before you say anything, no, I'm not one of those douchebags that ignores kids when they ask me for stuff. But at that moment? It wasn't the appropriate time or place for me. So, naturally, I leaned down to his level.

"No."

I didn't stick around to find out what happened next; I was already in the locker room, throwing off my sweat stained . Not to brag or anything, but I was a physical embodiment of a god! Like seriously, you don't get voted sexiest man in basketball with any old figure. You gotta be buff! And I was; working out 6 hours a day on practice days did wonders for your body.

Alright, I wouldn't say that I was a GOD LIKE man, but I was pretty damn close! I had it all, dude! Dark skin, high top haircut, chiseled abs… I was a stereotypical athlete. The thing that set me apart, though, was my eyes. They were green, but had streaks of orange speckled into them. Some medical condition, but there's a reason I was one and done at the university.

The rest of the team filed in, and coach went over highlights and the works. I really didn't pay attention. It's irrelevant to the story, anyways.

I was still throwing my stuff into my gym bag when Sin came up behind me. He was giddy with excitement; you could tell it in his eyes.

"Hey Dee, you coming to Batums place tonight? He's throwing a party to celebrate the win!"

Party, my ass. I was so pissed off, I'm surprised I even entertained the request. But still… a party? Even if it was the dude who stole my glory, it was BOUND to be a good time. And besides… if there was a party with rich people, chances were that there would be some hot women there too. And I don't mean to brag, but I do have a good taste in women.

"-sigh- Alright… can I get a ride, though? My cars in the shop still."

"Yeah, no problem, man! I got plenty of room in my car!"

"Yeah, thanks…"

At this point, we were the only two in the locker room. Sin knew something was wrong with me; I'd been on and off like this since college started. He walked over and sat down next to me, dropping his stuff on the bench.

"Dee, why are you upset, man? We won the game, didn't we?"

"Well, yeah…" I muttered. "But-"

"Dude, I know you wanted to take the shot, ok? I'm sorry I didn't pass to you. I just thought that-"

"What?" I asked, getting defensive. "What did you think would happen?"

"Err, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. I was scared the ball was gonna get stolen, you know?"

"Yeah, right…" I sighed. "I would've stole it right back."

Sin looked down, contemplating, before he looked back up and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Look man, I know you're stressed right now. What with all the MVP shit going on and all… but you can't let this get you down, bro! You gotta learn to love yourself! If that makes any sense…"

"Hey man, you make perfect sense," I said, standing up. "It's probably just stress, anyway… think we could stop by BK on the way? I've been wanting sone onion rings for a while now."

He stood up, smiling.

"Yeah, man, I think we can do that. Bros?"

He held out his fist. I smiled, doing the same.

"Bros, man. Bros."

 **Blake Batums House…**

"Hey, man! This party is rocking!"

"Don't tell me! Thank Blake!" I yelled back, trying not to fall over. I had lost track of the time; it was around 2 in the morning, I think. Half the team had shown up, and there was the smell of beer and weed EVERYWHERE. Like, in the corner of the kitchen, you could've gotten high just by walking through there. Pretty insane shit, man, pretty insane…

I'll admit, I was high as I'll get out. I'm a regular pot smoker; mostly for medical purposes, but occasionally I'll break out the bong and do some recreational. Luckily, I haven't been asked to do drug screening yet, but I knew that was gonna change soon; the league had made it clear they wanted me in the doctors office sometime this season.

But anyway, I think it was around three, four o'clock-ish when we heard the sirens coming up the hill. They started off faint, but they just gradually grew louder and louder… until they were right outside the door.

Blake turned and shut the music off, puzzled. No one came up this hill without getting through the guards at the front gate… unless…

"HIDE!" He whispered loudly, motioning us to go upstairs. Most of us did, but there were a few drunks and stoners still hanging around, laughing and giggling like a couple of teens that had heard a dirty joke. Even I was still there, talking to Blake as he went to the door.

"Hey, dude, what gives?" I asked, smiling. "It's probably nobody! Turn the mu-"

 **BANG!**

Before you could say "Wilt The Stilt," the door had been kicked open. Police officers were EVERYWHERE: they came in yelling, holding up search warrants, just insane shit. Blake was almost immediately dragged out of the house, but I was behind a recliner before they saw me.

Everyone at this point was in a panic; there was running around, screaming, I think a TAZER even went off somewhere in the middle. I just sat behind the chair, hoping nobody would come over and-

"GOT YA!" someone shouted, grabbing my arm. Now, mind you, I was drunk and shit, but that didn't stop me from DECKING the poor dude that grabbed me. He must've been a rookie cop; he looked young. I knew what had happened, and had almost made it back behind the couch when I WAS tackled, this time from behind.

"DEMETRIUS MURPHY!" The officer shouted over the noise. I wasn't surprised he knew my name; I was famous enough to have my face known worldwide. "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR POSSESSION OF CANNABIS, ASSAULTING AN OFFICER, AND RECKLESS ENDA-"

I didn't hear anything else. I was still in shock over what he had said before. ARRESTED? I had only been arrested once before! And that was only for stealing a stupid goat mascot from a rival college!

It was pointless to argue, though; the officer had already shoved me into the back of a car and was driving down the hill before I knew what was happening. I was pretty sure I was asleep for a while; I woke up as we were on the highway.

"H-Hey, man, let's be reasonable here! I didn't do-"

"Look, man, I really don't care," the officer said, keeping his eyes on the road. "I'm just doing my job, Murphy; I'm sorry you were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

I sulked un the back, handcuffs on my wrists. How demeaning! A star basketball player, chained up! I'm pretty sure you'd never see Lebron Wade or Dwight Bryant in a situation like this!

"Man, LET ME GO!" I shouted, shaking around. He kept driving, closing his eyes to relax himself.

"Hey, man, we just gotta get you processed and then you can get out on bail. Hey, speaking of which, can you sign a basketball when you get released? My son's a big fan, and I would be dad of the year if I could score it!"

"-sigh- Look, dude, I ain't giving shit to a dude that threw me into a cop car! You're serious with that?!"

"-sigh- See, that's the thing about you star athletes these days! So ungrateful! I mean, learn some respect. You're no different than any of us common folks, you know? Ungrateful punks…"

"Ungrateful?!" I asked, insulted. "Who the fuck you calling ungrateful, you piece of-"

The car in front of us suddenly hit his brakes. For what, I'll probably never know, but all I know is that we hit ours too late. The officer slammed into the back of the front car, sending me flying into the back seat. I hit at about 50 miles per hour, and I saw stars… pretty, pretty stars…


	2. Timeout

I'm not sure when I woke up next. I remember opening my eyes groggily; I must have been sleeping a long time. The world was still black when I opened them, and it took a few minutes to adjust.

Wherever the hell I was, it was unfamiliar territory to me. I was staring up at a piece of wood. And by that, I mean the bottom of a BED. I was on the bottom bunk of somebody's bed. I knew that much.

I looked to my right, towards the wall. It was lined with different posters and papers: of what, I didn't care. The wall was colored a darker shade of…

PINK?

Where WAS I?

I sat up in bed, trying to figure out what was going on. It was obviously a girls room… not really sure how old, though. Any girl could have pink walls in their room… was I even still in Los Angeles? Because I'm pretty sure I would know the inside of most girls houses there, if you know what I mean… ha!

But now was not the time for joking; I needed answers. I looked over to the left and saw the rest of the room. It was covered, and I mean COVERED with musical stuff. Like, I couldn't even NAME half of the instruments on the FLOOR. Whoever owned this room, they must have had some rich ass parents!

From the corner of my eyes, I spotted a desk. I looked at it, hoping there would be some more answers. It was stacked with flyers of some sort, all bright red and yellow. I was pretty sure there was one on the wall; I turned my head, shooing the piece of brown hair in my eyes awa-

Brown hair?

Since when did I have… HAIR? I mean, hair that hung DOWN on my face? My hair was curly! And black! Who's hair was THIS?!

Slowly, I reached for my head. My hair wasn't curly anymore… it was straight. And the further back I got, the tighter it became… until I felt… A SCRUNCHIE?

Did… did I have a PONYTAIL?

I grabbed the hair behind it, and sure enough, lo and behold, a brown ponytail flopped down into my face like a dead fish. I flung it behind my head, and fearfully, I looked down at my hands.

WHITE.

Oh, no. Oh, no, oh no, oh no…

I threw the covers off my bed, trying to get out. At last, I managed to fall out of the bed onto the floor, startling whoever was on the top bunk.

"Hey, dude, watch yourself! I need to sleep!"

I stared up at the person, who had poked their head over the side. She was a girl, but her hair was pixie cut to her shoulders. She had freckles, and she was wearing a purple shirt.

"Who are you?!" I asked, speaking for the first time. At once, I knew that the voice that just came out was NOT mine. I know my voice;it wasn't feminine like this one.

"Dude, Luan, are you ok? You look a little sick…"

LUAN?!

I turned and sprinted out of the room, looking for someplace, ANYPLACE that I could see my reflection. There were six doors in the hall; one of them HAD to be a bathroom. A boy was walking down the stairs, so I turned to him and tried to get his attention.

"Hey, kid!"

He looked at me as if I were nuts… which, at this point, wouldn't be too far off.

"Yeah, Luan?"

"Where's the bathroom?!" I practically yelled, trying not to freak out over the fact he had called me Luan AGAIN.

"Uhhh… down the hall? To your right?" he said, walking down the stairs. I immediately turned and ran into the bathroom, and seeing a mirror, I closed my eyes and clutched the sink. I looked down, opening them.

Slowly, but surely, I lifted my head to see my reflection in the mirror.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I WAS A GIRL.

I WAS A TEENAGE, WHITE GIRL.

I heard footsteps running towards the bathroom; I didn't care. I was already on the ground, the world going dark. I remember the door opened, and someone grabbed ahold of my arm… that was it before I was down for the count.


	3. End Of The First

You don't expect to see anything special when you wake up.

I mean, aside from the ceiling. I mean, that's kind of a given, unless you're one of those weird niggas who sleeps on their stomachs and… you know, I think you get the gist. You don't expect anything except the ceiling.

So imagine your surprise when you wake up, and instead of a ceiling, you see a little girl, dressed in pink, staring at you? Because that's EXACTLY what I got.

"About time you woke up," she said as she sat up and began to file her nails. Now, mind you, this girl looked like she was SIX, and she was wearing more makeup than I'd ever seen ANYONE wear. Hell, even WHORES wore less than her. In more than one way, but still…

"Oh, so you're just gonna stare, huh?" she said, her face getting cross. "Mom said you hit your head pretty hard. She put me here to make sure you didn't leave."

Mom? Hit my head? This was all Greek to me… I had no idea what was…

Oh, no.

The realization hit me like a cannon. I remembered everything: the crash, the bedroom, and… ME.

Was I really… a GIRL? A WHITE GIRL?

I looked down at my hands, too scared to speak. Sure enough, they were white. So I HADN'T imagined it. I felt sick.

"Well, I have to tell mom you're awake. Stay there, Luan."

The girl got up and ran out of the room, leaving me to wonder what the fuck had just happened.

LUAN?

Now what kind of a name is that? I mean, Dee Dee isn't really a big step in the right direction, but Luan is just… an UGLY name. Like, something you'd name a DOG instead of a person. What were Mom and Dad thinking when-

The door suddenly swung open, and the girl marched back in. Behind her was a tall woman, wearing a pink shirt and brown pants.

"She's awake, mom. I stayed here for as long as you wanted. Where's the dough?"

"-sigh- Hold on…" she said. It was obvious she had just woken up, because this lady was SHOT. Her eyes were swollen and red, and she just looked MISERABLE. She dug around in her pocket and pulled out a ten dollar bill, handing it over to the girl.

"Ahh, the smell of cash…" she said, smelling the bill. Gnarly.

She walked out, and the lady walked over and sat on the foot of the bed.

"How're you feeling, honey? I hope Lola didn't give you a hard time…"

Lola. Sounds about right if you're naming a spoiled brat, I thought. I turned to the lady, and not wanting to speak, gave a thumbs up.

"Honey, I'm not in the mood for charades right now. Just give me a straight answer."

Oh, boy. She was forcing me to talk. I felt sick once again as I opened my mouth.

"I'm… fine."

I certainly didn't SOUND fine, but I was more concerned with how HARD it was to talk. It was like I had pieces of METAL stuck-

Oh, no.

PLEASE, for the love of god, tell me I don't have braces. Oh, my god, please…

I touched my tooth with my tounge, and sure enough, the ting of metal was in my mouth. Great. I'm a girl AND a nerd at the same time. Could this day get any worse?!

"Well, that's good to hear. You hit your head on the sink pretty hard, honey. What happened?"

"Uhhh…" I muttered, trying to find a distraction. From the corner of my eye, I saw a fake rubber spider hanging from the door handle. I went with it.

"I saw a spider and tripped."

"Huh… I didn't know you were scared of spiders. I thought Leni was bad enough… I got you an apointment tomorrow to check your head. You really hit it hard."

"Uhh… thanks," I said, still trying to get over my initial shock. For a dude that had just transformed into a girl, I was taking this remarkably well.

"No problem, honey," she said, smiling as she stood up. "Now, I think your father is making you eggs! Funny side up, right?"

Huh?

What kind of Green Eggs and Ham shit was 'funny side up' supposed to mean? Was I actually supposed to EAT that-

Aaaand, she left. Great. It was just me left in the room. Whoop de dang doo.

Honestly, at this point I had kind of understood the situation. I was some random girl named Luan instead of Dee Dee… except, I still WAS Dee Dee. Just trapped inside of Luan. But…

Was Luan trapped inside of ME?

I've seen enough Scifi thrillers to know that when ONE person switches bodies, the OTHER person gets yours. So THAT had to mean that whoever this Luan was, she was currently living as ME. And based on my reaction, she was probably not taking it well.

I got up and began to slowly walk to the computer on the desk, making sure not to fall. It FELT normal… but I wasn't gonna take any chances. This was new territory.

I finally made it over to the desk. I pulled the chair out from underneath it and sat down, opening the laptop. It was powered off, so I turned it on and-

 **RRRRIIIIIING!**

HOLY SHIT!

I jumped out of that chair as if I'd never heard a phone in my entire life. I didn't even SEE a phone there, that's how bad this was. I'm a basketball player; I do NOT have tunnel vision.

Slowly, I picked up the phone, not knowing who it was or what I was supposed to be doing. I spoke in a hushed whisper.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Funny Business, Inc?"

Fun huh WHAT? What in the blazing HELL is Funny Business Inc? That sounds like some cheap comedy act you put in elementary schools to give assemblies to the kids! Is this bitch SERIOUS?!

"Uhhh… yeah, this is," I said, not knowing anything about what I was doing. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, great! So, my daughter is turning 6 on Wenesday and she LOVES clowns! Can you come over and do an act for her please?"

WHAT?!

I SLAMMED the phone down onto the tray, I didn't even care at that point. A CLOWN?! THIS GIRL SPENT HER TIME AS A FUCKING CLOWN? Geez, I've been here for four hours and this bitch already has no life!

Braces, funny side up, clowns… what the hell IS this girl? How do I go from being a basketball star to… A LOSER?

It didn't matter to me at that point, though. I had been in a car wreck, right? There HAD to be news on that… on Yahoo, CNN, anywhere. I opened the laptop and clicked on the Firefox logo (seriously, this girl used Firefox.) And, with trembling fingers, I typed.

D-e-e D-e-e M-u-r-p-h-y

Send.

Buffering, buffering…

NO RESULTS?!

Well, there WERE results. Of some random lawyer in Oklahoma. But unless you've been living under a rock, I'm not a lawyer. And that was NOT me. He was ASIAN.

WHAT KIND OF ASIAN PERSON IS NAMED DEE DEE?!

What was happening? Why was there no results for me? I tried again, trying to be specific.

D-e-e D-e-e M-u-r-p-h-y B-a-s-k-e-t-b-a-l-l

Send.

Buffering… buffering…

NOTHING!

Oh, this can't be happening, this ISN'T happening…

Did… did I not EXIST?

I closed the laptop. I had had enough Internet for today. I needed answers. A newspaper, a TV report, ANYTHING!

I walked out the door into the hallway again, trying hard not to fall. A shorter girl was out there too, dressed in red. She was wearing a jersey, a pretty old one at…

A JERSEY!

She HAD to be a sports nerd! Only REAL fans wear jerseys in their casual time! I know that for a fact!

So, I walked over to her, trying to be as smooth and easy going as possible.

"Hey."

She turned and looked at me as if I had lost it.

"Yeah?"

"Uhhh… did you hear about that basketball player?"

She stared at me for a moment before… rolling her eyes.

"Nice try, Luan, but I'm not in the mood for a joke right now."

Wait… what? I'm not trying to be funny here, girl, you need to give me some info!

"No, I'm serious! Dee Dee Murphy? The big name star?"

She blinked hard as she said a single word.

"Who?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!


End file.
